Being Misunderstood
by JAREK CZECHOWICZ
Sadness, confusion, and even conflict can arise when you discover that much of what you believe has been distorted, misrepresented, or misunderstood by another person. However being misunderstood can actually be a great blessing, and if you look beyond the initial burden the problem brings then you might see a doorway to awakening.
To retain your sense of individuality, to even exist, there have to be many differences between you and everyone else, and all other things. Full and complete understanding requires you to give up your sense of personal identity, and there are very few people, if any, who are prepared to do that. You might say that misunderstanding is part of the price you must pay for having a sense of individuality.
My definition of individual is: indivi – dual, the indivisible-duality.
As long as you think that you are separate from others then you will have agreement and disagreement, understanding and misunderstanding, and you will look for ways to explain and clarify what you mean. Remember times you’ve said, things you didn’t mean to say, didn’t want to say, or regret saying. Whether you intended saying it or not, it happened. It just came out. Normally that’s seen as a mistake, an error, or as signifying something else, like a Freudian slip. However it actually reveals reality manifesting quite independently of how we think it should be.
Relationships provide a perfect setting to become aware of how indivisible-duality presents itself as the individual. Two people can be going along just perfectly in a relationship until something goes wrong. They suddenly discover that they don’t share the same understanding, which can lead to unnecessary conflict. What arises is reality, whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not. Life seems to be a combination of what you think should happen and what really happens, and sometimes the two coincide to suit the individual or the couple.
As an individual you are often divided against yourself, for example when you don’t know what to do, or how to decide, or when you criticise and congratulate yourself. At the same time you are the indivisible-duality, and you can know that whenever you’re not thinking. There are many times when you’re not thinking but the mind tends not to notice or remember them.
From the space or state of non-thinking you can notice more easily the very things that understanding tries but fails to fully accomplish. Both thinking and non-thinking arise in a state of pure awareness or pure consciousness. Do you know that you exist? If the answer is yes, then you are in that pure state. You became more aware of it for at least the split second that you stopped thinking as you checked to see if you exist. It is in this pure and natural state that you are the indivisible-duality manifesting as the individual, and so are your partners, friends, and enemies.
If your sense of individual identity is threatened, and you are unaware of indivisible-duality, then each misunderstanding holds the potential for conflict. If you are aware that your partners, and your potential enemies, are also the indivisible-duality, then the possibility of misunderstanding is diminished. And there’s no possibility of misunderstanding turning into conflict when both sides are aware of their true nature.
Next time you seek to understand or to be understood, see if you can sense yourself as part of the other and the other as part of you. You might see that there is only one indivisible-duality manifesting as two. The understanding you want from another person cannot be found in them, it is actually found in knowing your true nature, which is also their true nature, and the source of love.
Peace